Heat of the Night
by killura
Summary: Castle had had no shame admitting he had written Nikki Heat to be 'a little slutty', but nobody ever expected it to be popular enough to get its own... "parody", so to speak. [crack; written for the bf :D]


**Heat of the Night**

[**Author's note:** I've only seen up to the middle of Season 3 so I figure it takes place around that time... please forgive me for any errors in canon, but the idea is based off the "discussion" Kate and Castle had about Nikki Heat at the end of Episode 4.

I also apologize for... _all of this._]

* * *

There are certain things that are inappropriate for a work environment; most of it comes with an NSFW warning these days. There are rules and etiquettes you just don't break.

Esposito was used to breaking rules… besides, he was on break (outside of the building, in his defense!), sitting next to Kevin with coffee in hand.

_Do you think there's Nikki Heat porn?_

Neither of them would remember what one of them had said to bring them to this moment; only that Esposito was probably at fault. He usually was, for this sort of thing… After all, he was the one who badgered Kevin to pull out his tablet.

Within minutes they were fighting each other like children, shoving each other while running through the Office's entrance. Kevin won, meaning he was able to beat Espo' into the elevator, forcing the other man out before jabbing the close button… Victorious, his partner was stuck rushing the stairs.

Running in the office was looked down upon, but this was too good to pass up.

Now if only Kevin knew how to lure Castle away without alerting Kate... well, he was stumped. By now he had already found Castle and was dragging him out of his chair next to Kate's… he was having too much fun to explain himself.

"Where's Beckett?" 

"She's taking a lady-break… Is she okay?"

"Yeah! She's fine. We've got bigger fish to fry right now… I, uh, I need to see you outside!", he grumbled, practically fumbling for an excuse.

"Kevin, you've got to slow down and tell me what's going on!"

At a loss for an excuse, he sighed with relief when he heard Espo's panting. "It's your Mother!"

"My Mother? Is she here again? Wait… is _she_ okay?"

Both men had taken hold of him, one grasping on each of his shoulder to force him forward while they both kept reaching for half-assed stories.

It wasn't until they were in the elevator, alone, that Ryan could speak freely. "She's got a porno, bro!"

Castle's face contorted. . "My Mother? Who would…? And with…? W-Why do I have to know this?"

Espisito shook his head. "Nah, it's not like that. We're talking about Nikkki Heat!"

Castle shifted on one foot, sighing, "Guys, that's just fanfiction; I can explain it later, but… I really should get back to work before Beckett gets back."

"First off, that's bullshit," Espo snorted. "Everybody knows you don't do any work here, and second…. This is most definitely as real as it gets; official parody, even."

Castle huffed, slightly offended.

But then it clicked.

"Wait.. Nikki Heat? _My_ Nikki Heat?"

"Your Nikki Heat, doing it in a donut shop!" Kevin practically giggled, ecieving two uncomfortable looks. "Well, I mean… That was a joke. About the setting… We Google'd it"

"And you guys did this _why_, Esposito?"

"Do you really want the answer to this question?"

"No, I, uh, figure I don't…"

Soon they were rushing outside with Castle on their heels; "Let me borrow your tablet, Ryan! I want to see this!"

"I'd really rather you not."

Castle let out his own mock-grumble, forced to use his own phone.

It wasn't long before he was on a streaming site.

And with a whole section for parodies, he was there in minutes.

Here it was.

_Heat of the Night._

To be honest, Castle was a little annoyed with the whole thing – considering the titles he had originally suggested to Beckett, it was a pretty good one. Now he'd have to mark it off the list of plausible titles…that thought didn't last long because he couldn't help himself… he was just curious about how cheesy it was, after all!

All three men gathered around the phone as the video buffered.

None of them had expected to see such a creative plot.

None of them expected to see look-alikes… someone had taken the phrase "based off of" way too seriously…. Both for the porn _and_ Nikki Heat, herself.

One of them muttered something about being uncomfortable moments before they heard the voice that terrified them to the bone.

Beckett had taken the phone from their hands… they hadn't even realized she was there, but here she was, lecturing them about how thirty minutes actually meant thirty minutes while walking back towards the precinct.

She was walking away with Castle's phone.

A top notch phone.

The groans began, and all three men paled as she looked to the phone.

They wanted to run; they tried to run, but there was nowhere to go. They were all frozen with fear of what was to come.

Castle was pushed forward by the other men so fast he almost fell when Kate finally looked up.

He was the sacrifice; they would live, but he would die.

"Castle?"

"Now, Beckett, before you get mad… I-I'm disgusted, too… I haven't seen any of the royalties!_"_

He had little time to duck before Kate Beckett launched his $800 phone straight at his face.


End file.
